Dancer in bloom

I have several (thousand) things to do right now.

A few confessions - I lied a lot, I was completely mad (that is reverse psychology kicked in when I kicked the bucket) and I deserve eternal punishment and condemnation.

But it’s a little pressurising liviing in a household where everything is so "perfect".  It’s so good, it’s bad, and it’s so balanced, it’s imbalanced.

Anyway, right now I am in convalescence and have no social life to speak of, but need to build things back slowly.

Because of my mania, everything changed and I am now on drugs and cannot coordinate myself well etc.

who owns this blog, I would very much like to be friends with you, but I’ve been too shy to come out and say it.

 Just for the record, there are a few things I hate very much:

1. imitators
2. flatterers
3. false prophets
4. forgery

However, you strike me as someone who is very true to herself.  I admire that.  I am not so sure about everybody else, but to me, honesty is the best policy, and verity is what you seem to have.

Perhaps I had a wicked childhood
perhaps I had a miserable youth
but somewhere in my wicked, miserable past
there must have been something good

Nothing comes from nothing
nothing ever does
so somewhere in my youth, or childhood
there must have been something of worth

For here you are, standing there

I use blogs to explore the art and craft of writing and trying different points of view.  Nothing personal you understand.  I try my best to be politically correct, but it may backfire.

Thus I fall back on the artists’ caveat: artistic licence. 

whom I love in truth,

If you have been following my blogs for long enough, you will soon start to have caught the drift when it comes to the context of my use of language and contextual truth:

1. ‘Context is All’ is true in today’s society
2. Just you wait, Henry ‘iggins just you wait is an accident waiting to happen.
3. Profanity is a term of endearment.  When I use it, I mean it in the most polite and respectful manner, so it’s not profanity, its pro-sanity and hence, profound.  Of course, you can just reject my Insane Inside hardware and rewrite your software, rewiring your cerebral cortex for better connectivity.
4. I use blogging as a social networking and publicity activity.  Sometimes the two inadvertenty converge, such as when I have family problems.  Apologies here are exchanged from my blood relatives to my water (that is, the people of God) relatives.
5. The only way to understand my context is to read my blog and follow tworavens and fourcows.  Not to be confused with Tucows and for Haven.
6. My besetting sin was envy and jealousy.
7. My new besetting sin?  I think I’m Mary Poppins.
8. If you want to be my True Friend, you gotta mix with my True Friends or my political allies, see both sides of the story, be aware of the Law of the Excluded Middle.
9. Additionally, I celebrity endorse local stuff - Budakmentary, Taufik etc.  I have my reservations with PAP (that is we don’t see eye to eye) in terms of efficacy of implementation, but I do think that MM Lee is pretty darn smart.  He needs to eat more humble pie, and realise that at the end of the day, water from JB was never a good idea.  We should always yin shui si yuan, and Singapore sewage and pipes are not in the same mint condition that they were a couple years ago.  We need to concentrate on strengthening our ties with our neighbours more than anything else, and rather than force people with our point of views, sway them to our side my engaging them with religious support rather than diplomatic exchange.  Singapore would ultimately benefit from ambassadors like CS (not Lewis) and JL, as female ambassadors play the best politics.  Alternatively, a Platonic duo like AC and AT make good political ambassadors, but I feel that they are too off the radar to be effectively controlled and need to learn a little something called corporate responsibility and sensitivity.
10. However, I do not trust large coporate organisations like Google and Mac and Microsoft, because in only one paradigm is everything possible, and that is not politics or government, but business.  I refuse to set up shop in any heart which is directed by a business-minded brain.  Let me tell you this straight so no one gets the wrong idea, and I don’t have to call in the Mafia to come and beat the business-minded brains out of you.  I have a great deal of friends in high places, so this is not a threat (I am blind to my own insinuations and context, you see), but a statement of fact.  I am perfectly serious.  Why won’t anyone believe me?

I leave you with a couple of good places to start:

• google/altavista/excite/yahoo ponkleberry, moonie, avengingangels, avantgardener, noseonastick, debatinglove, lynette, mercedes lacky, chunny, sarcastic monkey, hairy monkey (me), harry potter, jodi picoult, asiaone, STOMP, xiaxue, mr myagi, ng yi sheng, lim bo seng, elizabeth choy, d yap, jlow, gideon, phoebe, tash, nat, quack, quek, cheah, chia, neopets, cindy, rong, wrong, right, good, evil, adam, eve, the dark side of Christmas, SJSM, Wesley, Bonguard, schoo (soe is a best friend), yong (mum), tan, ryan, bodyguard, service,
• more global scale would be SIA, Miss Universe, Miss Congeniality, Sandra Bullock, Charlize Theron, Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Alba, Buffy Ann Summers, Dawn, Spike, self-heal, vampires, slayers, facebook is unnecessary (my new slogan…eventually), facebook and the philosopher’s stone, Sophie’s World (I am writing Sophies Choice now, but unfortunately I haven’t read the book and would appreciate any one who reads it and updates their blogs regularly to please write me a summary and personal response)
• also all men are cowards and all women are bulls in a china shop
• deal with it
• the matchmaker has been going about things the wrong way because he was also narcissitic
• lucky got yeehar! looking out for him (and for me) *tips hat*
• look, don’t go making confessions of love on your blogs.  wrong place.  Go straight to church / synagogue / chapel / place of worship (also includes dance studio and toilet) and pray to God direct, or confess to a cleric or priest or pastor or guidance counsellor like CBT, who really does care.
• learn to decode the altruism gene (it does not exist don’t worry, so no matter how hard you try you’ll never manage to decode it)
• God, why are men so stupid ah?  They spend their whole life gallivanting around doing crazy things, when the answer is staring them straight in the face.  They need to spend less time defending lost causes and realise that the only lost cause when they do that is their marriage - they should spend less time in front of the computer and the television and any screen that gives off electromagnetic radiation.  If they really loved their wives, they would spend more time doing housework and helping to keep themselves clean and tidy so the house is less of a pigsty and more of a homestead.  And get busy doing what God wants - procreation and recreation.
• God is good all the time, and we need to fear him because he is also just.  If he is not adjusted he will readjust until he gets it straight, because unlike us mere mortals, heaven is a gay place, but it is transcendent - it is called heavenly bliss, not earthly bliss, nor blessing (for there is no blessing without a curse - Newton’s Laws).  However, such delight is not meant to be experienced by anyone except my next True Love, who will be the candlestick maker.
• I don’t care about gossip, as you will only inflame yourself if you take things in the wrong context.
• I do care about my dearest friends, lim peh and ah hui.  I also care about kiam pah and pai kia.  KNN people who don’t know the knuts from the bolts, cause because of you I MIA and not CIA or SIA.
• Dior,Chanel No. 5, Perfume (movie, book, Suskind)
• Cate Blanchett
• Kate Winslet
• Partridge
• apple
• Emma Watson (I can do a side-splitting imitation of the scene from Chamber of Secrets…you know, the "now, if you two don’t mind, I’m going to bed, before either you gets us all killed, or worse, expelled")
• Cho Chang
• Kristen Kruek
• Endearing Love
• Ian McEwan, bush, Catherine Lim, Fynn, God, Mercedes Lackey, Wendy, Jean, Robin McKinley, Anne McCaffery, Jostein Gaarder (the real Dan Brown, IMHO), meising (who is amah-xin-ling aka amazing), i’m lovin’ it, Chow Yun Fatt, House of Flying Daggers, Zang Ziyi, Shu Qi
• and in the words of the King in the King and I, ‘et cetera et cetera et cetera’

Females in AC whom I really like/admire/respect (random order):

1. Victoria Martin
2. Felicia Goh
3. Cheryl Sim
4. Jennifer Lim
5. YY
6. Kristi lookalike
7. Rong (reeding, riting, and rithmetic)
8. Zab C
9. Dils
10. Coco
11. Cindy
12. and last but not least, someone who has been looking out for us - Suat Ying
13. did I miss anyone out?

Because the true crowns wear their heads on their breastplates - they are called Stephanie.  The best ones, the Tans, have their hearts, minds, and souls in one accord, giving praises to God.

Causes I support:

• anti-cancer
• anti-biotics
• anti-virus
• anti-sense
• pro-sense (also known as common sense, or sensibility, or conscience)
• pro-government
• pro-IR
• pro-Frank (Ghery, Lloyd Wright, etc.)
• also pro-architecture and engineering
• pro-British
• pro-France
• world peace (but I am not going to take part in any beauty contests for it)
• make peace
• who farted? (also known as honesty)
• education
• wealth management
• matchmaking
• a diversified united world vision
• Socrates
• Sophists
• Isadora Duncan
• Marie Claude Pietregalla
• environmentalism
• parties, balls, festivities
• information technology
• the mind as the only infinity we need more understanding of
• as it is important not to overlook the simple fact that technology is meant to be a tool to serve man, and not the other way around

To those I will be teaching next year:

1. my door is always open
2. if you are naughty I will do something that every boy fears - either make you so scared that you will pee in your pants in front of everyone, or talk to your parents, and if all else fails, I will pray to God to discipline you for me
3. if you are nice I will do anything I can to help you
4. if you are good you will do research on the topic you are interested in
5. if you are bad you wil reap what you sow
6. please study all subjects, and study more the subjects you are weakest in
7. for example, in my case I concentrated on Biology and Chinese, and also worked on Mathematics, because my mind is naturally physics, chemistry, arts, literature, and B&M don’t need to study (it’s all about having your two cents worth)
8. sorry, but to be honest?  I think 150 hours of cas blows.  I think TOK sucks.  EE is the only thing that will rock your world.
9. I am 100% ironic.  You have been warned.  I am not liable for anything after this, because the inherent nature of irony is self-fulfilling prophecy.
10. you are responsible for you own preconceived notions about what happens on this (or any other of my) blogs
11. I am blind to my own context, point of view, and insinuations until I meet the right person and we have good chemistry
12. that is why I always go for 1) the perfect gentleman, 2) the little boy, 3) the nice girl who is naughty inside, 4) the naughty girl who is nice inside, 5) the beautiful girl
13. and for Pete’s sake, I am not lesbian, neither am I lebanese.  I just love shopping, eating and being a girl.  What’s wrong with that?  Unlike you guys, girls have a sense of self-respect and integrity, and don’t believe that Platonic relationships necessarily have to be homosexual promiscuity or gayness.  We are not the ones intent on being gaylord focker.
14. my favourite TV shows - Gilmore Girls, Joan of Arcadia, House, Gray’s Anatomy, Monk, Criminal Mind, CSI, or whatever my family and my friends are watching at the moment.
15. My current no 1 fave show is Huang Jing Ni, which occurs on two channels: 1, 2.  Whatever the case, I can totally identify

My mother has kindly agreed to be my agent, so if you have any important and urgent, overbearing communications, please contact me through her number.  If you have been my friend for a long time, I would definitely have called you from there.  It is the one which descends from heaven, goes back up to the View from the Top, goes straight to hell, transcends to the top, and misses the point entirely (it goes towards the right).

Alternatively, you can try Tan on facebook, if he/she is agreeable, they will relay the message if they think it is necessary.

Additionally, students of Chemistry please note that I expect the following - read up before coming to class, sit up straight and pay attention in all classes (but don’t pay too much attention in my class as I might be sending you the wrong signals inadvertently), do your homework before coming (I won’t mark late work unless you can convince me and the whole class that you have a genuine excuse), and most importantly, have a mind of your own, don’t be too impressionable, but always be well-mannered, even if you want to argue, do it in a gentlemanly or ladylike manner.

Or I will tell Noah to build me an Ark for my people, and I will make it rain over the abominations of the Earth (for example, but not exclusively) and wait for the sewage to back up (because our current cisterns are pretty lousy). 

You have already seen what I can do with the grass patch by the school gate, and the funny ivy-like plant growing in a corner of the school roof (visible from 6.04 and 6.05 classrooms).

Also, locker 13, 6.4/5.4, is MY locker.  Anyone who takes it faces the consequences of crossing me.  It is to be kept empty until I have found a suitable envoy.

At the end of my term here I will redistribute my assets, not to worry.

Additionally, I have a sixth sense for the following 1) imitators, 2) suck ups, 3) flattery, 4) et cetera, and people who want me to give them a point of view will soon find that I am highly unsympathetic, because no matter how hard I can try to understand you and overlook your faults, I will be frustrated because I will not get where you are coming from (no innuendo intended here).

But honestly?

Bitch in heat attempting to ride on ambition and hope meets innocent boy with cancer/autoimmune disease. 

Girl who trusts meets politician’s son.

Bitch makes all the first moves and overwhelms innocent.

Boy backs off when girl moves forward.

Girl goes off the edge, bitch crashes and burns.

I guess I am the bigger player and the bigger loser.  I admit it, I was the devil’s advocate.

But morons like me do admit to learning a great deal of lessons.

This one’s for you.  Because I couldn’t find the one for Flowers in the Attic (read prisoner of Makepeace Rd in her ivory tower). 

Policy making involves an inherent desire to catch the thief in the dark before they even get a chance to be caught red-handed.

Of course, my previous blog entry was true in the context of the reality of the internet - a virtual construct.

In the non-virtuality of the real world, the honest truth is a lot more plain and ugly.  

Which is why women like context so much.  Or at least, why I like context so much.  I am no woman, I freely admit.  But the boy whom I crushed on (and crashed and burnt) did bring my metaphysical EQ up-to-speed with my real age, and perhaps even my IQ. 

So, why the analogies to Arthur?  Firstly, of course, because of Camelot.  A lady of cinammon and shallot and other spices (rather than sugars), I was constantly assaulted by other peoples’ points of view, so I was not able to figure out that my point of view was inherently no view, but an amalgam of various views.  Arthur and any correlation to the semblance of any Arthur you might know was something of a post-partum realisation.

Because between sam and I, I admit I was reborn in the fires of his love, and in the rivers of his eyes I saw a soul I had to save.  And, I did.  Save a soul.  A little boy.  But who that boy is, I do not know. 

Perhaps he is a nephew.

ladies and gentlemen, I give you the real Sam Chan.

Final Fantasy, obviously, but which version?

The sam I knew liked playing RPGs and wanted a girlfriend who could see his point of view, and who loved him like a brother and a sister would.

Oh yeah, and if you want to make it up to me, write me a poem or something, cause the only way to win back a girl is by securing her heart.

Once broken considered soled, or auctioned to the highest bidder.  You can try presenting your case before the court, but the intrigue will remain firmly where beauty is, and the beast backs beauty up completely.  Haven’t you watched Sleeping Beauty?

And my complete prophecy was actually this:

Searching for the elixir of youth?

You cnnot break the rules of known science:

1. freezing our bodies in blocks of ice
2. travel faster than the speed of light (super sonic ultra-violet )
3. regeneration and stem cell research
4. make yourself retarded.  that way it is possible to keep the same frame of mind of your youth. i.e. knock yourself against a blog of wood every day really hard
5. belate yourself with a group of people who maintain a youthful psychology, or stay in a room and you’ll never know otherwise
6. pump yourself up with hormones such as oestrogen to maintain youth and avoid menopause
7. In the words of Ernest Hemingway (which is why Lea calls me Bert), my aim is to put down on paper what I see and what I feel, in the best and simplest way (with the two being improper subsets or non-mutually exclusive)

And by this time, I am sure you will all agree with Shakespeare that this was Much Ado About Nothing meets Midsummer Nights Dream gone horribly wrong because you forced a little girl who had no life to live through the whole reality, and when she decided to run away to get away from reality for four hours, suddenly everyone was blameless except her.  Even though it was Christmas and all the little girl did was to go to Island Creamery by herself and cry because she had no friends she cared to disturb because she did not want to infringe on anyone’s privacy or lives.

Incidentally, and this is the gospel truth (no pun intended), I did wander down Makepeace Road and I saw the wrong crowd leering at me, in my funny clothes carrying my lamb and looking lost.

I also saw some really great looking second-hand cars there, as well as a great dance studio-ish place upstairs.

So anyone wanna go explore with me?  I promise to take you on a voyage you won’t forget. 
Bon voyage, mate.

S’long and thanks for all the fish.

You know what would make me really happy?

Not gossip about me, or reading my blog, or anything like that.  I do not want to hear rumours about me and Arthur, or whoever.

Get this into your head people - I am an intensely private person.  The reason why I blog is because I need a place to deposit my mental sh!t while I write my novels and my journals and so on.  I need a place for stuff to rot while I clean up the cistern in my mind and let things agglutinate.

If you are bothere by that, that is your problem.  Because finally, I understand what it feels like to not care about anybodys’ opinion.  There are only a few peoples’ opinions that I truly care about, and they are the opinions of my true friends.

So true friends, prove you are true by doing what is my ambition for all my friends:
think about YOUR lives, not mine
think about how YOU can do better, not how I can do better
think about how YOU are beautiful, not think about how I am beautiful (because, to be honesty, I’m what you’d call pretty ugly)
think about how YOU can get smart, not think about how I am smart

and then, post an entry on your blog to celebrate YOUR life, not bitch about mine.

And when I say bitch, I am not just referring to females, because some males have shown themselves up as being infinitely worse bitches.

I am of course referring to overprotected boys who think they know it all.

Just like the ruggers lah - not that I don’t love them, its’ just that they demn condemn xia - like no brain liddat, and then no strategy how to play the game?

Aiyorh, I would rather coach Rugby and Dance Venia and be an interim advisor than teach Chem, but I love Chem and I would love to be a relief teacher.  That is just who I am.  I like teaching because it is fun.  I don’t like paperwork but if you really sit down and make me do it straight from the beginning, or even get me started beforehand, I will do a freakin’ good job.

This I can promise you. =/

Just stop getting the wrong impression and give me a chance to give you the right one, not the write one, because my real personality and my blog persona, are, newsflash, very different. *rolls eyes*

To my jurisprudence,

Honestly, I would think it was obvious from the start that I sympathised deeply with you and that I am just as hurt by you as you have been hurt by me.  If there is anyone dealing with a difficult situation right now, it is the two of us, together.

Stop thinking I am self-centered.  I am not.  If I am living for others, then I am others-centered and it makes it difficult for me to find my own center.  If that is difficult for you to understand or rationalise, it’s not my problem.  Deal with your persona issues as your personal issues.

I only did a few things - sympathise, genuinely seek your company, and tried as much as I could to get out of my vale of depression and self-pity without disturbing the same old people with the same old story.

At the same time, I also have a great sense of sympathy for two people - Ms JL and a certain Jessica whose face is as diminished as my own, but whose problems were not dealt with effectively.

Just because my weight has been fluctuating does not mean it was entirely out of control and disorganised.  I have a sense of self-organisation, but it is my personal management style and may not work for other people.  This is why I shun and shirk leadership roles.  I have not big enough feet to fill such immense shoes.  I need people like R Tan and WHM to help me by being my public "faces".  I understand it is a heavy burden on them, but I the reason I quarrel so much with R Tan is because I respect her as a person.

She has her own point of view, a clear standpoint and the only problem is that when ever I talk to her, she ends up talking about her point of view, so I do the obvious thing.  I shut up and listen.

It is easy, I suppose, to presume that as a result of that I have no point of view.  But I have a natural sense of debate and argument that is fine when you do not make me do it in front of an entire auditorium.  I am not completely useless, but unless you actually arrange to meet me I cannot help you, no matter how hard I plead with you, beg with you, argue with you, move you, or talk to you.

At the end of the day, I decided that I would entice and wait.  I realised that it is not pro-active enough in todays’ society.  Fine.  You live and learn.

I realise it was a tremendous burden being my friend these past few years.

Wracked with guilt and a desire to spend more time with you, I had little time to spare over the holidays, and you had little time to give.

Obviously, you would no longer understand where I am coming from, and neither would I understand where you are coming from.

Does that give you leave to make moral judgements about my character if you do not have the complete picture?

Do you think that I would not give you the complete picture if I knew what it was myself?

Do you think I am that inconsiderate?

That is the question.

Who is considering my point of view, or even attempting to get out of their own defence, block-me-out, riposte and run, my-ass-is-on-the-line-here mode to see that I am just a little girl, scared shitless by the cruel mechanitions of the outside world, which she realised she has been sheltered from by a number of well-intentioned, but hopelessly misguided adults who do not know how to deal with me at all.

Rule of thumb I have been trying to reinforce since day one: we need to make an appointment to meet up before anything concrete can be done.  We can meet in any size, and I am good at small group meetings.

Stop giving me a free reign.   I need discipline.  I am not Apollo, you know.  I am just your everyday Uma Thurman from Kill Bill. 

And yes, I think Anna Chong is very pretty too. All Hakkas are - just look at Cherie Choong.  So go, play your games of love and stop watching mine.  I need privacy unless you are a friend, in which case I welcome feedback and comment (all artists love to have their egos flattered, or flattened, in my case).

I just resent others’ judgement and rumour-mongering before they have the complete picture.

 

I do not mind people condescending, transcending, ascending … to my point of view.  But bear in mind also that I cannot give you a point of view if you are not absolutely clear where you are coming from.  Sorry, and good day until you can prove to me that you are a true friend of mine.

This is not a personal message, but an impersonal and impolitical one.  I acknowledge this and it is not my intention to be personal here, excepting the note-worthy references. 

Additionally, I do not resent anyone, and I do not wish anyone to lay the blame on me.  I am not a lamb at the altar, waiting to be sacrificed, and the rate you are going, I will personally make it my vendetta not to invite any of you to my wedding. 

Yours with utmost sincerity and jocularity,

Xin

P.S.: My number one weakness is that I am dead shy and dead quiet until I get over the shyness, then I blush and try and make conversation, but I have absolutely no eye for a guy, and am completely not aware of the world around me, unless you are the people sitting around me at that moment in time.  When the computer is the thing that is in front of me, all my attention is zoned in on the computer, and I will open 10 coversation windows, use facebook and blog at the same time.  If I am temporarily given to insanity on my blog, that is my problem, not yours, and you really have no right to judge, although I’d love to hear your personal opinion if you do not remain anonymous.  If you want to throw slime, sludge etc. at least do it out in the open where everyone can see.  It is a cowards’ way to be an anonymous lurker, and it makes me uncomfortable.

And as for Sam?  This is the way I see it.

Starcrossed lovers, Sam walked out on the best girl he ever met because he loved her so much he couldn’t bear to break her heart.  The best girl Sam ever met cried so badly that she could not bear to part.  She became deranged with the depth of her emotion, and because everybody was so scared to break the poor girls’ heart or innocence, they broke her spirit instead, and when she became depressed, they were the ones who had to bear the brunt of it.

Sam is a beautiful boy, with a cute Beagle and a nice house.  His room is neat, orderly and nice, but I don’t like it because it smells of, well, boy.

And yes, in the Indian caste system I am an untouchable.  But that doesn’t mean I don’t get to do my own Siddhartha-version X every once in a while.  It’s my right, and these blogs are my territory.  If you have a problem, you can go fish yourself and stop fishing around my blog for answers to your questions.  I only have answers to my questions.  And if you don’t like them, you can jolly well go fish for your own answers.  My fish are mine to give, and yours to receive if you want to.  That is all I ever wanted to happen.

I do not want to be Miss Popular, Miss Congeniality, or Miss Chinese Cinderella.  I just want to have fun, make friends, and dance.  That is it.  Finito.  I like Dilys because she’s really cool, I like Alastair because he’s also really cool.  I think they make a good couple.  I like Steph because she’s really smart, and like me has a bit of OCD, and I like JJ because his sister is Judith, and anyone who doesn’t like Judith is an idiot or a moron.  I like Moonie because she is my Miss Congeniality, and for that I take her under my wing.  In all honesty, I think the GEP way of life is sad and lonely, and I do not think that I can live a life of endless RPG gaming, fantasy land and reading of books.  I like people, I like going places, I like travelling, journalism, photography, dance, reading (but only summararily), did I mention dancing?, walking, playing badminton, playing piano, singing, listening to music, etc.

I regard Becca and Moonie as my best friends in truth because they stood by me and showed me honesty and loyalty and I value them greatly as people and friends.  I am willing to 1. fight to the death both with them and for them, 2. give them unconditonally, 3. burden them unconditionally, and I fling myself upon the rock to let my liver get eaten by crows and ravens because I am galled at the insanity of a hopeless misguided world.

what about you?

Because the one thing you can do to get me going is to have a discussion.  I love stimulating discussions in small groups, and if I don’t read the book, I like to pretend I did by sitting in and hearing what other people have to say.

And the reason why ACoffeeShop was so F***ed up was because no one would give me a commitment in terms of time, every one didn’t want to do the dirty work, and I am bad at doing the dirty work because I am too busy, but I was too polite and shy and preoccupied to sit down and explain to you my side of the story.  I’d rather just be over the top or understatement and deal with each situation as it comes.

And that’s just simple me.

It’s not that difficult to understand right?  I just want to be a friend ebcause I am a good friend and being a friend is my speciality.  I love to shop, I love fine dining, I love living life and being a social butterfly, but at the end I fly high and I fly home, because home is where the heart is.  I have no issues with my parents, except that they are a little to over-concerned about their daughter, and we need to resolve these issues as a family.  However, as a result of the reflux action, all sorts of overeactions have been occuring and the central person to blame is of course, naturally, me.